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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Happy Belated Birthday, Louisa.


A little over a year ago I wrote  this post.  It was my very first post on this little blog.  It was a day I decided to play and discover this whole new world of blogging.
I admired so many creative blogs.  There was one particular artist that drew me in with not only her beautiful mixed media paintings, but with the words in her book.  Her words affirmed that the whispering words that I felt to be following me, were words encouraging me to take flight on my journey.  I wasn't going crazy.  This was how it was for her too.  I found myself stalking her older posts...fascinated with her journey on becoming an artist.  I wondered if I could one day create and inspire.  I wondered if this was what the whispering words were saying..."Come follow me."
I kept asking..."But what am I to do?"  I kept waiting for the inspiration.
But then I thought about the root of why I was so fascinated with this artist...aha...the journey!  That is when I decided to just go for it and blog the journey.  Just maybe along the way, I would find something.
My kids tease me..."So Mom, have you found Louisa yet?" :)
I suppose I'm still searching her.  But to date, here is what I found over the past year...
I've found sanctuary during the summer months of morning devotion on my porch...and I found that this is what I want to bring into my home for the winter months.  I still get overwhelmed with where to start.  But I've found that if I start small, like cleaning out a closet or making a new pillow, little by little a room can be transformed.
I'm finding my voice.  I've found that through writing, the thoughts in my head, that come out all jumbled when I speak, actually settle comfortably on a page.  
I'm finding courage in taking a leap to share this blog with just a few choice friends.  I haven't discovered how to not worry about what they'll think of me, or how to actually believe them when they tell me they liked a post.  But little by little I gain a bit more confidence.
I'm finding kindred spirits.  I've found that when I take leaps on my creative journey, God sends me kindred spirits.  Synchronicity meets me at the poolside and brings me a friend who read the same book that wowed me.  It meets me in my inbox with a friend who wants to take a painting class.  It meets me in a conversation about a new Artist's Way sacred circle forming in town.  It meets me in the answered invisible prayers for a friend.
I've found that I have a quiet and gentle soul who is so excited to be nourished.  For so long I ignored her because I was afraid of what they would think of me.  When I take her by the hand and play I discover a new part of me that is free to do anything.
And in doing all this I've found that my inner child wants to be seen.  She wants people to take notice.  "Mommy, look at me.  Look at what I made."  "Daddy, do I look pretty?"  My inner child loves to play, but she sometimes has difficulty knowing just how to do that.
I've found that I'm living my dream.  When I was little all I really ever wanted to do was to become a wife and mother.  I would sit and draw my plain little yellow house, adding a porch with all the gingerbread trimmings.  Today I'm living in my big yellow house with many porches, with my handsome prince and my little princesses.
I'm finding that change is good.  Dreaming never stops.
I'm finding the joy of possibility...anything is possible with God.
Good Golly, I learned to run more that 3 minutes at a time without dying!  :)
Feeling like an artist imposter, I signed up anyway, for a group forming to discuss and journey through the book, The Artist's Way.  A year ago I would have never sat in a room full of strangers pretending discovering how to be an artist. 
I took an abstract painting class...totally out of my comfort zone.  The class ended with a dreaded critique.  My painting was horrible.  The experienced folks were very kind to this new soul.  I walked home with my horrible painting by my side and with a smile on face.  I was okay.
I am okay.  This is what I've found.  I am enough...today...a mother discovering what's next...a dreamer...a wanna be runner...a wanna be artist...a new soul fluttering about, finding her way.


-I love the little circle of light in the hot air balloon, that appeared in this  photo.  I call it, My Soul Taking Flight.

-New Soul, Yael Naim

2 comments:

  1. First of all...truly amazing talent...truly.
    Just read the entire blog...some old memories...some new journeys...all...wow.

    still think it should be journeyhopedreambelieve

    what is the word for 2012?

    let's chat soon. :) Andrea

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  2. When we held you for the first time, we thought life doesn't get better than this. You fill our life and hearts with complete joy ever since that beutiful day. You don't have to worry about what you want to be when you grow up. Just be you!
    Love, Mom and Dad

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